Crystal, Installment 5

In a couple of weeks, Janet was in a position to hand Crystal an envelope containing two letters, one each from her father and her mother. It was a scorcher, especially from her mother, who was furious at her for getting her father upset. Agnes had been right on the money; Mr Baxter wrote that Crystal could forget expecting him to pay her tuition. She replied with the patience and graciousness that was so sadly lacking in her parent’s letter.

“Dear Mom and Dad,
“I got your letter, thanks. I know you’re mad at me, and you’re mostly mad at me for my sake. I have done a lot of thinking, and I’m realizing that I don’t hate you, I never hated you, I just hated my life.
“But I was wrong about that, too. Anyway, I’m supporting myself, I’m paying my own rent, and I feel wonderful! I don’t blame you for deciding to stop paying my tuition. I felt so dumb at Penn. I’m going to try the community college here, and collect my credits slowly. I want to get a degree, and a good one, but I have to start easy.
“Mom, Dad, I have something to tell you. You must have suspected this right away, but here it is. I have fallen in love. And, your going to hate this, it is - a woman.
“Is that terrible? I love her so much, Mom, she’s tall, and beautiful, and smart, and talented, and strong, and kind, and she’s well educated, and I need to be a learned woman to equal her. Not even just a bachelors. She has a Masters, so I need one, too. Life will be difficult for me, because I love her. We will have to fight for every little thing. But I’m learning how to fight.
“I know you can’t be proud of me. But I want to be someone you can be proud of in at least some things, like college.
“Mom, Dad, there was this person who thought I like women because of something that happened while I was a kid. All I can say is, there is no such thing, and I have always been happy at home. I didn’t leave home because I was unhappy, really; it was because I couldn’t stand to give up college, and face you. And now, I want to go back to college, but you’re upset. It is a big mess.
“I’m not looking to you to bail me out, or anything. In a couple of months I will get on the health insurance plan, meanwhile I have to stay well. I will earn as much as I can, because someday, if you need me, I want to be here for you.
“Please keep writing, even if your angry with me right now. Isn’t it funny how I’m writing to you like two times in the same month, now that I don’t have to, and I never wrote before when I should have, or hardly ever!
“Love and kisses, Crystal.”

Crystal headed over to the community college one day, having taken leave, and found out how much it cost. To her surprise, one course cost around $500, which was not at all a frightening amount. But she had to certify herself a resident of the state, which unfortunately she couldn’t do. This sent her costs up double: $1,000 a three-credit course.
With some help from Agnes and from Janet, she got signed up, and soon she was out at the community college three afternoons a week, and finding the classes interesting and easy. It was Statistics I, and she had lots of help from Janet. Tommy was long gone, and it was Janet and her and Cindy.
A letter came for her, this time from her mother.

“Dear Crystal,”

her mother wrote,

“We got your very strange letter. Your father read it first, and I thought he would suffer a stroke, because of how upset he was. He couldn’t speak to me, he was so angry. I had to read the sad details for myself.
“Crystal, he doesn’t know I’m writing to you. Or rather, he wants me to write, but he hasn’t actually seen this letter. Baby, I’m upset, deeply upset at the choices you have made, not as a mother, because of the shame you may have expected me to feel. I’m upset, as you say so yourself, because of the hardships you will face. I’m not sure that you’re sure yourself, that this is what you want in life. I suspect that the first charismatic person you ever met was a woman. If it had been a man, all would have been well.
“Anyhow, what choice do we have? You’ve run off with this woman, and we have to live with your decision. You must realize that you might be ruining her reputation, too. Can a successful woman like that afford to have a mere child like you living with her? It seems to me that both of you are acting thoughtlessly, and I have to wonder what kind of woman she is if she’s being so short-sighted.
“Crystal, if you decide to go back to school, and give up this lady, at least until you graduate, I think your father will back up, and reconsider his angry words about not paying tuition. If you’re working, you would have a nice contribution to make towards your tuition.
“In spite of all the bad news, I found a lot to admire in your letter. There is character, and strength, and your special charm that you know nothing about, that I always loved. All I know about loving women is from loving my mother, and from loving you, since the day you were born. When I think of all the years we spent together, I think what a fool I was that I never sat you down and told you now much I love you, my Crystal. I mean, certainly I said that all the time, when you were off to summer camp, or off for a sleep-over. But I should have made you believe me. Your dad loves you too, in his own way, darling, but he doesn’t see things as clearly as I would like him to. We’re disagreeing about things more and more, and I am afraid of what might be happening to us. But that’s not your concern; you’re too young to have that kind of thing to worry about.
“So keep writing, and be careful, and cautious and wise. Yes, by all means keep healthy, my darling child. If you get sick, come straight home. Nothing is worth getting sick for, not even the most wonderful woman in the world!
“Love, your Mom.”

Crystal was in tears at the letter. “She’s so mean, and then she’s so sweet! Why can’t she be one or the other?” They were alone, in the little room Janet used as her office. Cindy was off visiting one of her friends close by, and they had the house to themselves. “And I’m not living with you, why does she assume stuff like that?” She fumed with indignation. “It’s like she doesn’t know me at all! I wouldn’t do something stupid like that, I was so careful, I found an apartment—well, okay, a room— way out there in Farmington, so that I could see you, out in the open, with no one spreading rumors about us! And my own mother has to jump to conclusions!”
Janet finished reading the letter, and handed it back, giving her a worried smile.
“I think it’s a lovely letter,” Janet said. “The words that jump out are: strength, charm, health. She’s writing to you woman-to-woman, and she’s asking you to prove to her that you’ve thought of everything.” Crystal was listening to her attentively. At least for the moment, Crystal hung on her every word. That might not last forever. “Think about it. She did not have a clue that you’d choose, well, an alternate lifestyle. So she’s wondering how much of her Crystal is left. She has to make sure that you’re sure. The only way to do that is to shake it up, see what falls out. And she did it with a great deal of kindness. I’d say she was the smarter one in that partnership.”
Crystal nodded slowly.
“We weren’t very close,” she said. “I always liked her, but she left dad to talk to me, tell me what they wanted. So dad was the one who always told me the bad news.”
“Maybe she disagreed with him.”
“Oh no. I think she’s the one who decided what had to be done.”
Janet shook her head. “It doesn’t matter, love; write her, tell her that you live three miles away, and that your friend thanks her for her thoughtfulness, but you were way ahead of her on that score.”
Crystal smiled, wrinkling her nose with delight at Janet’s humor.
Her face became serious.
“She seems to say that they might split up.” Her blue eyes looked sad. “I don’t want that to happen. Specially if I’m the reason.” She looked at the letter, and then back up at Janet. “It’s kind of blackmail.” She heaved a heavy sigh, and shook her head in bewilderment.
Janet groped for a helpful thought. The whole issue of whether kids were responsible for the stability of their parents’ marriages was an emotional Pandora’s box.
“Janet, you know how girls always love their Dads?” Janet nodded. “Does that mean lesbian girls love their mothers more?”
Janet shrugged, stumped.
“Want a pad and a pen?”

This independent story finishes here.  Crystal takes a seven-week course at the Community College, and having lived frugally all summer, has a little savings to put back into her school.  With a large student loan, she plans to return to her university, since Janet and Agnes are both urging her not to squander her opportunity at such a venerable institution.

Janet, of course, cannot help financially; it just doesn't seem right to take on Crystal as a dependent at this stage of their relationship.  That would alienate Crystal's parents completely, and Janet is serious enough about Crystal that she wants to leave every door open for cordial relations with the elder Baxters.  However, if Crystal gets into really serious financial trouble, Janet is prepared to intervene.

We continue with the story of Janet's daughter Eleanor (Elly) Kolb.

K.