Damn!

This morning, a strange song unexpectedly popped into my memory.  I had seen it being performed live, but then forgotten it for ages.  It is Sophie B. Hawkins, singing 'Damn!  I wish I was your lover'.

The meaning of the lyrics is somewhat disguised, but I expect that Hawkins explained the meaning of the lyrics to someone, perhaps while on a talk show somewhere. 

Someone, on Reddit—take it for what it's worth; being on Reddit is no guarantee of reliability—explains that the song is about a woman friend whom the singer is wanting to remove from an abusive relationship.  I'll look after you so sweetly, the song says, you'll feel good and whole again. 

How often I've watched someone from a distance, and felt that strong protective instinct, to take her away from someone who hurts her.  But you cannot say the words of the song, however much you may want to, unless you're in love with the victim.  A lot of women could convince themselves that they are in love with the victim, and that could lead to even more pain. 

The girl I used to observe, who regularly wore bruises—quite openly, something I couldn't figure out; perhaps a cry for help?—let's call her Kelly, was quite pretty.  But I didn't want to approach her.  I wasn't seeing anyone, but something prevented me from talking to her.  Looking back, I think I wasn't confident that I could keep her safe, and happy.  I think I was a little too old to assume I could pull it off.

I guess I could have made myself fall in love with her.  That's an interesting possibility.  But I guess I was a bit more cynical back then; you got to see all sorts of unhappy things while you attended graduate school. 

Another thing you pick up very soon in grad school is that nothing is as easy as it looks.  After a while, you look at everything as if it were an impenetrable maze in which someone is trying to get you lost.  Suspicious.  These days, I could walk into some disaster with my eyes wide open, but not back then. 

But I still think, I wonder whether Kelly is safe and happy.  She won't be with the same guy, or perhaps she is, and has a prosthetic arm.  She was so pretty, and when she smiled, which was rarely, she totally glowed!

Damn.

Kay